In prayer, I asked God what I could write for Him, and He asked me to define His love.
And if I’m honest, I don’t think I’ve ever fully known how to explain what God’s love actually feels like.
Because His love is too big for our little minds to fully understand.
I can’t just say His love is like a father’s because not everyone has experienced that kind of love. Some have been hurt by the very people who were meant to reflect it.
And I can’t just say His love is beyond understanding because “incomprehensible” doesn’t really help anyone feel it.
So instead, I’ll tell you what His love has done for me. And what it has felt like in my life.
His love has pulled me back from the brink of destruction. Multiple times.
His love kept me alive in the season I write so much about, when I lost my babies and wanted to die.
His love has forgiven things that I still struggle to forgive in myself.
His love has covered my anger at people I’m still learning how to forgive.
His love is like a weighted blanket you curl up under when your nerves are vibrating with rage, memory, and pain.
His love feels like freedom and confidence, knowing He has your back in the fire.
His love built up a fragile heart after I almost stopped it from beating.
His love didn’t let me go, even when I walked away from Him for a season, and dabbled in things that he calls an abomination.
His love stood firm when my world fell into pieces, and then built a fortress around me out of the rubble.
His love is larger than any human standard could define.
And honestly, I still don’t fully understand what He meant when He asked me to put it into words.
Because words aren’t enough.
But words are what I have.
So I’ll try.
His love is like the hug from the parent you’ve always wished you could know.
His love is like being held steady by something unseen when the ground beneath you shakes and gives way.
His love is pure, and it doesn’t stop when you push Him away.
His love is powerful, and it protects even when you fight against it.
His love saves, and asks for nothing but love in return.
And still, I struggle to give even that some days.
Not because He isn’t worthy of it, but because I forget how to receive it first.
Somewhere along the way, I learned that love had to be earned. Measured. Proven.
That it could be lost as easily as gained.
I’ve tried to give love without those conditions, but it’s a vulnerable, sometimes terrifying thing to do.
God’s love doesn’t follow those rules.
His love is given before I get it right. Before I apologize. Before I turn back around.
And maybe that’s why it feels so hard to define.
Because it doesn’t behave like anything we’ve been taught to recognize.
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